David G. Gordon’s Field Guide to the Sasquatch

I normally post on Sundays, but I had a busier weekend than expected, so you’re getting this on a Tuesday. Sorry!

I’m planning a camping trip in the Pacific Northwest this summer, so I thought I’d read this Field Guide to the Sasquatch in the hopes of improving my chances of seeing a bigfoot. Unfortunately, this book contains little I haven’t encountered in greater detail before. It’s short and quite readable, but it was only when I sat down to write about it that I realised how incomplete it is. It contains the standard physical description of a sasquatch and lists a few places where they have been spotted, but the author assumes that sasquatch is a species of giant ape and gives no consideration to the idea that it might be a transdimensional entity. This text’s brevity and failure to consider the more fringe theories on the origins of sasquatch render it obsolete at this point. There’s not much point in reading this one.

This thing was written more than 30 years ago, and with every day that has passed, the likelihood of bigfoot’s existence has diminished. It’s disappointing, but I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I’ll probably never see one. I’m going into the woods in August though, so fingers crossed!

Lyle Blackburn’s Lizard Man: The True Story of the Bishopville Monster

Over the years I have done posts on books about some of the better known cryptids including the Jersey Devil, the Mothman and a few on Sasquatch. In truth, I never found any of these cases particularly convincing. I’ve read a few other books about the field of cryptozoology, but I hadn’t done any on specific cryptids in a long time. I recently did posts on books about the Pigman and the Goatman, and when I saw a book about the Lizardman, I decided it was only fair that I give him a chance too.

In the late 80s, some people in Bishopville, South Carolina, claimed to see a monster. Some cars in the area were damaged. The descriptions of the creature varied, but some claimed he was like a hairless sasquatch.

Like the author of Goatman, Lyle Blackburn does an excellent job documenting the Lizardman phenomena. The story is clear, and obviously well researched. Unfortunately, none of the accounts herein are remotely convincing.

Lizardman never hurt anyone. Nobody ever went missing. None of the sightings are particularly interesting. One witness later admitted he was lying. A few people claim they saw something they couldn’t explain. Their descriptions of the monster are so different that it’s hard to accept any of this. Lizardman doesn’t exist. At best he’s just a muddy sasquatch.

This is a decent book about a very silly topic.

There were a few points in the text where the author referenced the fact that he is a musician. I decided to see if he had any recordings on the internet. It turns out that he was a founding member of Solitude Aeturnus and played on their a bunch of their albums, including my personal favourite, Through the Darkest Hour from 1994. This dude played in an awesome heavy metal band and then started writing books about cryptids. Cool.

The Psychic Sasquatch and their UFO Connection – Jack “Kewaunee” Lapseritis

The Psychic Sasquatch and their UFO Connection
Jack “Kewaunee” Lapseritis
Wildflower Press – 1998

With a title like The Psychic Sasquatch and their UFO Connection, it was only a matter of time before this book ended up on this blog. Surprisingly, it’s actually more stupid than you’d expect it to be. The basic idea here is that Sasquatches are inter-dimensional beings that can use their minds to speak with people. The reason there are so few pictures of them is that they can go into a different dimension by vibrating their molecules whenever they need to avoid detection. Oh, and they were brought to Earth by aliens. (Oddly enough, this is not the first book to appear on this blog about this topic.)

alien sasquatch

Yup, this is a mad one. It’s more new-agey than I hoped it would be, and it has that whole ‘science is too close-minded to account for this phenomena’ vibe running through it that we’ve encountered a hundred times before. I’d hate to actually meet a person who believed this nonsense. (They’d almost definitely be white and dread-locked with a collection of crystals.)

There’s also a confusing amount of Christianity in here too. I laughed when I read the following line in one of the first chapters, “The next morning I was sitting on the front porch reading the Bible when Bigfoot arrived and began talking to me.” Kewaunee concludes the book with a denial of human evolution too. The Book of Genesis is literally true. A psychic Sasquatch told the author that aliens put Adam and Eve on Earth. The aliens later brought down other people – this explains how we have different races. The aliens had brought Sasquatches down here long before humans though. Oh, and dinosaurs lived at the same time as humans. The author references a bunch of books on ancient aliens to back this up.

sasquatch

The nature of the Sasquatches’ telepathy is hard to wrap your head around. Kewaunee tells the tale of a pregnant Sasquatch telepathing to a woman to ask her to ask Kewaunee to help deliver her baby Sasquatch because he was a “master herbalist”. (Her sasquatch family couldn’t help because they were visiting another dimension.)
Why she didn’t ask the author directly is unclear. Kewaunee was able to receive messages from other Sasquatches, and when the Sasquatch baby was eventually born, Kewaunee was able to telepath to the mother to congratulate her, so distance was not the issue.

Also, apparently telepathy can operate consciously and unconsciously. You can send messages to people’s minds without them knowing about it. The author describes a woman sending telepathic messages to her husband that he simultaneously noticed and didn’t notice. I found this part really hard to understand.

I don’t want to get too involved in trying to explain or debate the absolutely stupid nonsense in this book, so I’ll just share a few interesting tidbits of information that I gathered from it:

Aliens and Sasquatches have underground research facilities in the mountains that they let some people visit occasionally.
There’s an island on the Connecticut River that is inhabited by a tribe of 50 prehistoric humans. They are roughly 4 foot tall and too fast to catch or photograph.
Sasquatch only stink when they’re scared, like a skunk.
Mermaids are real, but if you capture one, the American government will take it off you and destroy all evidence that you had it.
Sasquatches can trade bodies with people and birds.
Despite what many Bigfoot hunters believe, the Sasquatch people are the observers here, not us. If we want to talk to them, we have to act nicely in the hopes that they’ll want to talk to us.
The author, a master herbalist, had a herniated disc in his back and liver cancer, but refused allopathic medicine. An alien doctor cured him.

Although this book was utterly ludicrous, it was also a serious pain to read. It’s very dense, very repetitive and very boring. I strongly recommend that you do not waste your time reading this foolish book of nonsense. Kewaunee has other books, but I probably won’t read them. Look him up on youtube though; he has a rather commendable mullet