How to Contact Space People – Ted Owens
I don’t remember when or where I heard of this book, but I found a pdf copy on my phone a few weeks ago, and the cover was so pathetic that I knew I’d have to read it. I assumed that image was an alien, but after finishing the book, I am not sure what it’s supposed to depict. The Saucer intelligences (“Si’s” from here onwards) discussed in this book have insect heads. Perhaps it’s a self portrait by the author.
Truly, this is one of the weirdest books I have read. It’s utterly mental, but the most exceptional aspect is the author’s elevated opinion of himself. He boasts as if he were a stupid 5 year old who doesn’t get to socialize much. It’s truly cringeworthy. I’m going to spend this post summarizing the text so that you don’t have to read it. If my summary seems illogical and full of non-sequiturs, that’s because it’s a summary of an awful piece of writing. I want to make sure I include the most interesting bits so that nobody else has to read this insane pile of shit.
The book starts off with an embarrassing collection of statements about author’s ability to forecast, start and influence the paths of storms. He is also able to summon UFOs, lightning and massive blackouts.
He claims his life changed after seeing a UFO. Soon thereafter, he discovered he could change the weather. He prevented many droughts and ecological problems by doing so. He easily convinced NASA and the CIA of his abilities.
He admits that he was kicked out of Texas for practicing medicine without a license. He was hypnotizing people.
He goes on to present a bunch more of the 181 accurate predictions that he made with the aid of extraterrestrial intelligence. Some of these stories are bizarre.
He recounts the story of a 400lb moldy-smelling monster attacking a girl and smashing her head. Si’s caused this to happen, but they are not bad. Even though their monster gave the girl a black eye and “kept banging her head on the side of the car”, it didn’t actually hurt her. This was just to get attention.
Some police officers shot at a flying saucer and the aliens then ruined their lives. This seems petty for all-knowing beings who want what’s best for us, but it turns out their technology, even though it can’t be harmed, automatically responds to negativity with negativity. This seems like a pretty serious design flaw.
There’s some more monster appearances and blackouts. The Si’s are dicks.
After 50 pages of evidence of the author’s trustworthiness and success, we get to the 5 pages that actually tell the reader how to contact space people. Basically all you have to do is imagine that you are talking to some little insects in a different dimension and you just tell them what to do. They will do what you ask 88% of the time, but there is a 12% chance “a time window” will make it impossible for them to act on our dimension. The aliens you deal with will be Tweeter and Twitter at the beginning but they may introduce you to their leader who is actually just an illusion.
Honestly, Owens’ instructions consist of 5 pages of telling the reader to make believe.
The second section in book is an interview between Owens and a teenage boy. It’s agonizing. Only an idiot child could have tolerated talking to this man for long enough to conduct an interview.
Apparently Owens could heal people with broken skulls who doctors had given up on. He practically brought dead people back to life.
There’s an incredible section where he recounts manly deeds confronting “toughs” and threatening gangsters. He claims he could do so because of Si protection. Seriously, he talks about himself as if he’s Jean-Claude Van Damme. He can turn a hitman away with just an icy stare.
He then presents the boy with crayon drawings of the aliens. Unfortunately these pictures are not included in the book. I bet they were really good.
Owens claims he is the first human since Moses with the brain capacity to be in constant communication with the Si’s. This is where his boasting gets out of hand. This man comes across as an utterly abhorrent wanker.
He can move objects with his mind.
The Si’s killed 3 astronauts when they were angry with US government. Owens claims that the Si’s will allow the world to end if the American government does not start doing what they want by 1970.
Prayers work if they are directed at the Si’s. He says that the millions of Jews who died in the Holocaust were praying to wrong power. Yikes.
Bigfoots are the Si’s pets.
In the final section Owens starts discussing Oi’s as if he had already explained them. Oi’s are bad aliens who are not as smart as the Si’s.
The author is actually the cause of all hurricanes in the US.
A couple of pages before the end of the book PK man drops this bombshell:
Owens believes himself to be the only human who can prevent the end of the world. Si’s chose him to be the saviour. In the next few paragraphs he compares himself to Jesus.
Ted Owens claims he was a tough guy, master of all trades, psychic saviour of mankind. I reckon he was actually a deluded twat.
I also noticed that Owens claims responsibility for the strange path of Hurricane Inez in 1966:
This is interesting. When speaking of the trajectory of Hurricane Inez in Sympathy for the Devil: The True Story of The Process Church of the Final Judgment, Timothy Wylie claims, “The thing veered off course… It comes straight towards us and at the last moment it just starts to go down the coast. Of course, we felt validated because we’d meditated and we’d asked the beings to make sure it didn’t you know, hit us, so it was a major validation. Hurricane Inez really consolidated our belief.” Did Owen’s Si’s and the “beings” in contact with the Process work together? Were they the same beings? Were The Process also a bunch of idiots?
Ted Owens was cuckoo insane. Some people believed him though. Jefferey Mishlove wrote a book about how great he was in 2000. I couldn’t bring myself to read that book, but I watched a few of Jeff’s videos on youtube… jesus. I shouldn’t get surprised when I dig into this kinda stuff, but I do. What the Hell is wrong with people?