The Complete Alien Sex Chronicles – Ann L. Probe

I’m constantly on the lookout for strange books for this blog, and when I first heard of this series, I knew I’d have to review it here.

alien sex chronicles ann l. probe

This is a series of 10 stories about Amy Rush, a nymphomaniac who is hired by the US government to have sex with different kinds of aliens. Each story was originally released as a separate e-book with an incredible cover, but you can now buy all 10 in a single collection. I’ll give you a brief synopsis of each tale so that you can decide if you want to splash out on this masterwork of alien/cryptid erotica.

 

boffing bigfoot ann l. probe1. Boffing Bigfoot

A woman with a reputation for sleeping around is offered a top secret job by a secret government agency. She will fuck different kinds of aliens in return for technology that could potentially save our planet. The first alien she needs to fuck is the Sasquatch or Bigfoot. It turns out that Sasquatch “were the pets of an ancient alien race, and the aliens left them behind”. Amy is brought to the forests of the Pacific Northwest, and it is there that she boffs the Bigfoot.

 

fifty slaves of gray ann l. probe2. Fifty Slaves of Grays

Amy is taken to an alien spacecraft where Gray aliens are keeping a bunch of abductees and testing their sexual endurance. These aliens have a contract with the government that allows them to abduct one human a week. They’re not allowed abduct anyone famous because “They took a best selling writer once, and while the guy got a couple of bestsellers out of his experience, it made the abductions much more public than they were supposed to be.”

All humans they have tested so far have had disappointingly low sexual thresholds, so Amy makes a deal. If they can please her sexually, she’ll submit and allow them to abduct her. If they can’t satisfy her, they need to let everyone go free. She proceeds to have sex with a very large group of aliens.

 

tall, white and hung ann l. probe3. Tall White and Hung

This has the least appealing cover of the series, but the story is of the same high quality. Amy fucks a Tall White alien in heat in return for extra terrestrial technology. The alien ends up collapsing after his 20 inch cock encounters the taser hidden in her asshole.

 

mounting the mothman ann. l probe4. Mounting the Mothman

In this episode, the US government coerces Amy  into having sex with the Point Pleasant Mothman in exchange for his eggs. They want his DNA to see if they can use it to isolate the precognition gene. The Mothman lays his eggs inside of Amy with his penis and then dies. This is made doubly confusing by the fact that he had previously boasted about having had another human lover, even though the act of intercourse is apparently lethal to him.

 

ravaged by the reptilian ann l. probe5. Ravaged by the Reptilian

Amy is sent to an orgy where the world’s most powerful politicians are in attendance. Her mission is to seduce and kidnap a shape-shifting Reptilian who is trying to take the place of one of the world’s leaders. She interrupts a pair of Reptilians, a male and a female, who were about to have sex and proceeds to fuck them both. This is particularly confusing as the reason the Reptilians are at the orgy is to have sex with humans so that they can take their places. They have no reason to be fucking each other. David Icke gets a brief slagging off in here.

 

the nordic nymphos ann l. probe6. The Nordic Nymphos

This one was also a bit confusing. 3 female Nordic aliens have oral sex with Amy after teaching her about their race. Then they try to kidnap her partner, but she beats them up.

 

sleeping with the alien ann l. probe7. Sleeping with the Alien

Amy goes to a bar in New York where she meets David Boreanaz, the guy who played Angel in Buffy the Vampire slayer. She takes him home and they have intense, romantic sex. Then the army breaks into her apartment and David Boreanaz turns into a 3 foot alien and jumps out the window. Amy is heartbroken.

 

the sexy sirian ann l. probe8. The Sexy Sirian

Amy is given a break from her work with the government while the military deals with the Sirian aliens who have been pestering them. When she gets home she encounters David Boreanaz again, and before fucking her, he informs her that the government agency she is working for is actually planning to take over the world with the technology she has acquired for them.

Scroll back up there and take another look at that alien’s cheeky grin. Hahaha.

 

the androgynous andromedan ann l. probe9. The Androgynous Andromedan

Amy’s former employers turn out to be the Bilderberg group. After they try to kill her, she goes to a secret air base where a different secret (but good) government agency are conducting time travel experiments. (David Boreanaz previously gave her her the directions to get there.) At the base, she meets an Andromedan alien with a cock and a cunt. She makes it cum both ways.

 

dancing to the anunnaki nookie ann l. probeDancing to the Anunnaki Nookie

Amy goes into the future and sneaks into another top secret military base to interrupt a meeting between the Bilderberg group and the Annunaki aliens. These two parties were meeting to decide how to enslave humanity. Amy is caught by a security guard. She has sex with him. Then the aliens show up, but they have no genitalia, so they cant fuck her. The Bilderbergers also show up, but they’re no longer interested in world enslavement. All parties end up agreeing to a deal: if the Annunaki are allowed abduct Amy, her human boyfriend and the alien David Boreanaz and force these three to have a bunch of sex, they will not enslave the human race.

 

I honestly find it difficult to imagine anyone really getting off to these stories. I’m sure there’s loads of people out there who regularly fantasize about riding ET, but this stuff doesn’t even try to be sexy. It’s mostly just dick jokes with a few facts about the featured creatures thrown in.

In 2014, Ann L. Probe started writing a second series, this one about Amy Rush’s cousin having sex with more aliens. Unfortunately,  it seems as though only one entry of this series was ever finished, The Vegan Virgin. I’m going to wait until the full series has been published before reading it. Ann L. Probe, if you’re seeing this, get a move on and finish the UFO Sex Girl series!

David Huggins – The Man who Shagged E.T.

love in an alien purgatory david huggins.jpgLove in an Alien Purgatory: The Life and Fantastic Art of David Huggins
Farah Yurdozu

Anomalist Books – 2009

David Huggins was featured in some alien documentary that was on netflix a few years back. I remember watching it and then checking the internet to see if he had written any books. He hadn’t, but there was a book of his art available. I put it on my to-buy list, but it was expensive, and it just kind of stayed there for a few years. Last year, I started seeing mentions of Huggins popping up online. It turned out that a director named Brad Abrahams had made a movie about him called Love and Saucers. That movie and this book tell the same story.

David Huggins is an artist who claims to have lost his virginity to an alien when he was 17. He later had a lengthy love affair with this alien, and he also shagged a few others for good measure. This book is a collection of his paintings of these encounters.

huggins shagging alien

I know it doesn’t matter whether these encounters really happened or not, but there’s two things I want to address.

In the book, Farah Yurdozu claims that since 2002/2003 “David’s experiences with Cresent [the alien he shagged] have inspired an interest in science fiction and other fantastic movies, something he never paid attention to in the past.” However, in the movie, David claims to have seen The Thing when he was about 7 or 8 years old. This would have been around 1950/1951. He also watched Dr Who: The Webbed Planet, a movie about giant ants, multiple times before his memories came back in the late 80s. This Dr. Who movie was released in 1965, and at one point in the documentary he says “it has a giant ant and when I saw it I just could not stop watching it. I don’t know why but it seemed familiar to me.” Let’s just consider that for a second. For him to have seen the movie without realizing why it was familiar to him, he would have to have seen it prior to his memories returning, but his memories returned at least 15 years before he supposedly became interested in sci-fi. If he wasn’t a sci-fi fan, what the hell was he doing rewatching Dr Who movies? Also, his movie collection is nearly all VHS tapes. He collected all of those after 2003? Let’s be realistic here; the lad has clearly been a sci-fi fan for most of his life.

david huggins intruders.jpg

Also, the fact that David’s memories of his encounters only came back after his reading of Intruders, Bud Hopkin’s 1987 book about alien abductions, is very suspicious, especially when considering how similar his experiences were to the experiences recounted in that book.

large tit alien women
huggins alien women and babies
David’s alien women bear a striking resemblance to the alien women in Intruders.

There’s a telling moment in the movie when David recalls a hitherto forgotten memory while leafing through his copy of Intruders. He says, “I just remembered something. There was a time during my teens where I seemed to float off my bed…” The interviewer responds by asking, “What made you just remember that?” David replies, “It’s what I’m reading here.”  Here is the passage:

floaty hugginsNot only does this short passage contain a person floating out of their bed, it also contains a gray-skinned figure standing beside an abductee’s bed and the abductee having a needle shoved up their nose. Hey, check out these two pictures that David drew:

huggins in bed alienshuggins nose alien

Maybe some people believe these images corroborate the accounts of other abductees, but those people are backwards-thinking imbeciles. David Huggins seems very pleasant, but he’s clearly an overly-impressionable crazy man who has watched and read too much sci-fi. Personally, I don’t care about how he came up with his ideas. His pictures are pretty cool. I wish I could buy prints of them.

Of course, that was kind of the idea behind buying Trapped in an Alien Purgatory, but unfortunately doe everyone, the physical book is pretty crappy. The coolest pictures are given the least space, and the colour printing is murky and looks like it was done on an early 2000s home printer. Don’t waste your money. You’ll be better off renting the movie on youtube for a few dollars.