The Complete Alien Sex Chronicles – Ann L. Probe

I’m constantly on the lookout for strange books for this blog, and when I first heard of this series, I knew I’d have to review it here.

This is a series of 10 stories about Amy Rush, a nymphomaniac who is hired by the US government to have sex with different kinds of aliens. Each story was originally released as a separate e-book with an incredible cover, but you can now buy all 10 in a single collection. I’ll give you a brief synopsis of each tale so that you can decide if you want to splash out on this masterwork of alien/cryptid erotica.

 

1. Boffing Bigfoot

A woman with a reputation for sleeping around is offered a top secret job by a secret government agency. She will fuck different kinds of aliens in return for technology that could potentially save our planet. The first alien she needs to fuck is the Sasquatch or Bigfoot. It turns out that Sasquatch “were the pets of an ancient alien race, and the aliens left them behind”. Amy is brought to the forests of the Pacific Northwest, and it is there that she boffs the Bigfoot.

 

2. Fifty Slaves of Grays

Amy is taken to an alien spacecraft where Gray aliens are keeping a bunch of abductees and testing their sexual endurance. These aliens have a contract with the government that allows them to abduct one human a week. They’re not allowed abduct anyone famous because “They took a best selling writer once, and while the guy got a couple of bestsellers out of his experience, it made the abductions much more public than they were supposed to be.”

All humans they have tested so far have had disappointingly low sexual thresholds, so Amy makes a deal. If they can please her sexually, she’ll submit and allow them to abduct her. If they can’t satisfy her, they need to let everyone go free. She proceeds to have sex with a very large group of aliens.

 

3. Tall White and Hung

This has the least appealing cover of the series, but the story is of the same high quality. Amy fucks a Tall White alien in heat in return for extra terrestrial technology. The alien ends up collapsing after his 20 inch cock encounters the taser hidden in her asshole.

 

4. Mounting the Mothman

In this episode, the US government coerces Amy  into having sex with the Point Pleasant Mothman in exchange for his eggs. They want his DNA to see if they can use it to isolate the precognition gene. The Mothman lays his eggs inside of Amy with his penis and then dies. This is made doubly confusing by the fact that he had previously boasted about having had another human lover, even though the act of intercourse is apparently lethal to him.

 

5. Ravaged by the Reptilian

Amy is sent to an orgy where the world’s most powerful politicians are in attendance. Her mission is to seduce and kidnap a shape-shifting Reptilian who is trying to take the place of one of the world’s leaders. She interrupts a pair of Reptilians, a male and a female, who were about to have sex and proceeds to fuck them both. This is particularly confusing as the reason the Reptilians are at the orgy is to have sex with humans so that they can take their places. They have no reason to be fucking each other. David Icke gets a brief slagging off in here.

 

6. The Nordic Nymphos

This one was also a bit confusing. 3 female Nordic aliens have oral sex with Amy after teaching her about their race. Then they try to kidnap her partner, but she beats them up.

 

7. Sleeping with the Alien

Amy goes to a bar in New York where she meets David Boreanaz, the guy who played Angel in Buffy the Vampire slayer. She takes him home and they have intense, romantic sex. Then the army breaks into her apartment and David Boreanaz turns into a 3 foot alien and jumps out the window. Amy is heartbroken.

 

8. The Sexy Sirian

Amy is given a break from her work with the government while the military deals with the Sirian aliens who have been pestering them. When she gets home she encounters David Boreanaz again, and before fucking her, he informs her that the government agency she is working for is actually planning to take over the world with the technology she has acquired for them.

Scroll back up there and take another look at that alien’s cheeky grin. Hahaha.

 

9. The Androgynous Andromedan

Amy’s former employers turn out to be the Bilderberg group. After they try to kill her, she goes to a secret air base where a different secret (but good) government agency are conducting time travel experiments. (David Boreanaz previously gave her her the directions to get there.) At the base, she meets an Andromedan alien with a cock and a cunt. She makes it cum both ways.

 

Dancing to the Anunnaki Nookie

Amy goes into the future and sneaks into another top secret military base to interrupt a meeting between the Bilderberg group and the Annunaki aliens. These two parties were meeting to decide how to enslave humanity. Amy is caught by a security guard. She has sex with him. Then the aliens show up, but they have no genitalia, so they cant fuck her. The Bilderbergers also show up, but they’re no longer interested in world enslavement. All parties end up agreeing to a deal: if the Annunaki are allowed abduct Amy, her human boyfriend and the alien David Boreanaz and force these three to have a bunch of sex, they will not enslave the human race.

 

I honestly find it difficult to imagine anyone really getting off to these stories. I’m sure there’s loads of people out there who regularly fantasize about riding ET, but this stuff doesn’t even try to be sexy. It’s mostly just dick jokes with a few facts about the featured creatures thrown in.

In 2014, Ann L. Probe started writing a second series, this one about Amy Rush’s cousin having sex with more aliens. Unfortunately,  it seems as though only one entry of this series was ever finished, The Vegan Virgin. I’m going to wait until the full series has been published before reading it. Ann L. Probe, if you’re seeing this, get a move on and finish the UFO Sex Girl series!