I was pretty lazy with reading this week, so here’s a post on two more awful magical pamphlets from Finbarr Publications, publisher of the worst magical texts ever printed.
Secret Magic Spells of the Romany Gypsies – C. McGiolla Cathain & M. McGrath
Secret Magic Spells of the Romany Gypsies purports to be a collection of authentic gypsy spells for love, money and revenge. It’s a load of shit. All of the spells in here look something like this:
For this spell, all you need is a green candle and a picture of your true love. First, thoroughly rub the tip of the candle against your anus. Then Light the candle and let some of the wax drip on the photograph while uttering the following incantation;
“Tweedly diddly fiddly dum,
Fiddeldy diddeldy widdeldy wee,
Boomboom bumbum bambam bum
So mote it be”
You will marry your true love within a month.
The spells take up roughly half of the text. The rest is made up of anecdotes of these spells being used succesfully. I’ve noticed a similar approach in quite a few other books from Finbarr publications, but the stories in here are particularly unconvincing. One of the characters is referred to only as “B.S.”. I can’t shake the feeling that this was the authors cryptically confessing to feeding their audience complete and utter bullshit.
Fascination – Master Count de Leon
Finbarr – 2015
Fascination is the shortest pamphlet I’ve read from Finbarr, and it’s probably the most absurd. The actual text is barely 7 pages long. The first 5 of these pages are spent praising Adolph Hitler, and the last 2 describe a ritual that you can use to become more like Adolph. The ritual consists of wagging your dick at your reflection in a mirror while muttering your own name exactly 99 times. Seriously. I’m not even joking. That’s all this book contains. It suggests that Hitler himself performed this ritual.
This is obviously a noteworthy magical offering, but I don’t feel much need to comment any further on it. If you think I’ve exaggerated about its contents, read it for yourself – the text is easy to find online.
5 thoughts on “Secret Magic Spells of the Romany Gypsies and Fascination – A Feast of Finbarr”
Spells for Money!
Spells for Health!
Spells for Love!
Spells for Power!
Spells by the bushel!
Spells by the pound!
Spells for all occasions!!
I remember being fascinated by the ads for Finbarr books back in the eighties as an impressionable youth while leafing through copies of the Old Moore’s Almanac – the British version though, not the twiddly-dee Irish edition for farmers. They still run the same ads to this very day. I wonder what type of people actually pay good money for such rubbish? I occasionally see them turn up in secondhand book type places
On a related note I remember seeing a youtube video over a decade ago of some nerd that looked like he was performing the exact same dick slapping rite in the mirror as some kind of batman training or something. It’s terrible the way these things stick with you, haunt you
Would love to see the dick shaking nerd!
Gods it was years ago. I barely even remember the title, but I’m pretty sure it was “batman training” or something like that. He was stood in front of the bathroom mirror and you could hear the sound of his dick slapping against his hips.
I just tried googling “batman training dick slapping” but all I found was a bunch of fanfic homoerotica involving Batman and Dick Grayson. Bloody typical. I hate the internet
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Nope still can’t find it, but in order to make up for the wind-up I do remember stumbling upon this work of art at around the same time. Enjoy..