How to Use Spam to Enchant your Man: Abragail and Valaria’s How the Become a Sensuous Witch

This has been on my radar for years, but a cover like that will make finding a book difficult regardless of its contents. I assumed it was going to be kitschy trash, and never considered paying more than a few dollars for a copy. Luckily for everyone, Dr. Jerrold Coe, the guy who runs the fantastic Paperbacks of the Gods blog uploaded a copy of How to Become a Sensuous Witch to archive.org.

I was very pleased to read this for free, but its contents lived up to my expectations. This is drivel. It’s mostly a collection of recipes for a woman to cook when she’s having a lover over for dinner. Some are given witchy names (Samhain Soup, Satan’s Steak…) but most are just normal recipes (green bean salad, cauliflower curry…) and some are just gross:

Aside from recipes, there’s a few spells and rituals included. Most of these involve muttering inane rhymes, but there was a couple that involve ingesting period blood and piss. (You mix both into salad dressing or something to mask the taste.)

One section I found amusing was the chapter on “Getting Rid of a Freddy”. This chapter gives you some recipes to use when you want to scare a man away. One of them involves giving him some damp biscuits. It’s a bit bizarre.

This book is definitely of its era. It advises the prospective witch to feed her man dessert but not to take it herself because she should want to be skinny. I feel like most modern witches would probably not appreciate that advice.

There’s little of interest to a real student of the occult in here, but this is an interesting little book because of what it tells about the time when it was published. Occultism and witchcraft were becoming sexy, and women were being encouraged to be promiscuous, but self empowerment still took the form of learning how to cook for a man and keeping thin. It’s nice that the book is now available to look through online, because it’s certainly not worth paying collectors prices for.

Go back and take a look at the cover there. Look at her grip on that candle. Hell yeah.